According to the village idiot (available in local newsagents) “billions of eyes” will be watching the remote stone-age settlement as it celebrates the arrival of fire tonight – although Argus swiftly pointed out that he only had a hundred eyes, and anyway all of them would be watching Bayern Munich v Chelsea on ITV.
|How the iconic Smeaton's Tower will look|
“Focken oi an’ oi’s looken fawwerrd to focken ’eeren Jamaican tawked proppa boi a reow focken darky frumm opp Babylon way innit blud,” grunted a feral devotee of the feared ‘Way of the South’. “Oi an’ oi carnt focken wait royt to troy owwt this ’ere aarson wot oi ben focken ’eeren bowt.”
“Focken,” he added, after giving the matter some thought.
Tomorrow, the foolhardy runner who dares to bring the sacred flame to Plymouth will be chained to a rock by the angry gods and have his guts pecked out by seagulls. The guts will then be stuffed into a pasty by Mr Ivor Dewdney.