|If anybody can see these two people, would they please speak now|
“It is the government’s intention to begin a protracted and fractious consultation period,” said equalities minister Lynne Featherstone. “We shall be asking Britain’s foremost homophobic institutions which bits of their most sacred texts they would like to see incorporated into ceremonies they regard as blasphemous abominations, and if they’d mind putting these blasphemous abominations on in their churches 24 hours a day.”
So far, the idea has been greeted with condemnation, ignorance, bigotry and dire forecasts concerning plagues of locusts from the Anglican and Catholic authorities, while reporters have unaccountably refrained from asking any Muslim clerics or Baptist elders for an opinion.
“This is a landmark decision,” commented Peter Tatchell, who is gay himself apparently. “For years, we have been prevented from exchanging our vows before God in a traditional church setting by the law of the land. Thanks to this far-sighted policy, we can look forward to being prevented from exchanging our vows before God in a traditional church setting by the church authorities. It’s a huge step forward.”
“As the government proposes to allow weddings to take place at night as well, all a gay couple will have to do is find a registrar willing to indulge in a little breaking and entering, and they’ll be able to have that church wedding they’ve always longed for,” he suggested. “As long as they’re in and out before the filth arrive, and the getaway driver keeps the engine running.”