|The last known photo of Mr Dacre, with a Daily Mail reporter|
“The worrying thing, though, is that it seems to be expanding,” he added ominously.
Scientists suspect the implosion began when Mr Dacre saw “BAN ON CHEAP DRINKS BREAKS EU LAW” filling the front page of today’s Daily Mail. Dangerously unstable for aeons, the editor-in-chief proved unable to withstand the conflicting forces of law and order, snobbery, blind nationalism and xenophobic bigotry which, without warning, the headline suddenly unleashed inside his head.
The still-expanding event horizon has already engulfed the whole of Middle England, where millions of minds have already been sucked into oblivion by the awful rift in the very fabric of normality.