One of the curiously inept bombs was miraculously discovered on a UPS cargo plane during a stopover at East Midlands Airport, while the other was fortuitously intercepted in Dubai.
“We have yet to determine whether the package we found is a viable explosive device,” announced home secretary Theresa May this morning. “We’ve tried dropping it a few times, but so far it hasn’t gone off. Next we’ll try sticking 240 volts through it, and if that fails we’ll give it a minute or two with a blowtorch. That ought to do it.”
Long-suffering passengers, meanwhile, are already pointing out to singularly unimpressed security officials that even if they were all subjected to vivisection during check-in, it wouldn’t exactly be an effective deterrent to a terrorist putting an airmail bomb in a postbox somewhere in the Middle East.
“I’m afraid such cavalier attitudes to security are missing the point,” responded Mrs May huffily. “The important thing is that if people start thinking too much about things like this, then the terrorists win.”
|A dedicated suicide bomber could easily cram one of these up his arse, say experts|