“In fact, there weren’t any,” said a spokesman. “Neither did the moon’s slightly closer proximity result in enhanced strength, X-ray vision, ESP, involuntary carnivorous transformations or supermenstruation. Somehow, it seems we have all managed to come through this deeply mysterious event without supernatural enhancement.”
|There's no rational explanation for this|
“I dropped science for pottery at the age of 14, because education is a state conspiracy to program unquestioning obedience into children,” said Starchild Moonflower, a windchime tuner from Aveton Gifford. “After entering a state of spiritual receptivity with the aid of twelve pints of spingo, my spirit guide Tigger told me that the earth mother has drawn her moon lover to her breast so her children will receive the secret wisdom of the universe, i.e. the American, French and British governments absolutely caused the Japanese earthquake with all their H-bomb tests fifty years ago, the bastards.”
Ms Moonflower also claims to have had a sublime out-of-body experience during her astral travels, having woken up outside her yurt at 4am with her pants filled with what she angrily insists is ectoplasm.