|Hurrell went down like a sack of shit in the first round, according to Farrelly supporters|
The raging Newcastle-under-Lyme MP spectacularly seized the crown on Thursday evening by smashing unranked outsider Bjorn Hurrell to the floor at a no-holds-barred karaoke party at parliament’s Sports & Social Club, to the delight of a capacity crowd.
“Decent people should not see their lives blighted by nuisance and anti-social behaviour, nor should our children be led astray by a mindless minority, but when some jumped-up nobody gets between me and my pint then a line has been crossed,” said Mr Farrelly after his brutal slugging match. “Any normal person who is capable of defending themselves would have done exactly as I did, and twatted the fucker.”
A police spokesman deeply regretted that no formal complaint had been received about the incident, but urged Mr Hurrell to come forward and press charges against the Labour slugger - who in the meantime has issued them with an invitation to come on, if they think they’re hard enough.
“The force legend that is PC Savage has already taken his trusty truncheon down off the trophy shelf, and he’s giving it a good polish,” said Scotland Yard. “It’s got a notch for every bolshie Trot he hospitalised back in the good old days of the miners’ strike and poll tax march. He’s getting on a bit now, but he assures the public that the old magic’s still there and he’d love nothing better than to bring in a Labour MP for a few clarifications before he hangs up his riot gear.”