Parts Of Britain Hotter Than Somewhere Else

Tesco Express are nearly out of firelighters

It’s official – Britain is today basking in temperatures which are warmer than anywhere else in the entire world which is not as warm as Britain!

All over the country feisty young slappers were disporting their bouncing, succulent breasts and leggy legs, while sweltering picture editors panted for breath and loosened their trousers in the hottest heatwave ever recorded since the last time it was this hot!

“This warm weather is very likely to go on and on until finally it turns a bit chilly!” predicted someone from the Met Office who seemed to know what he was talking about!

Meanwhile the whole of Britain will be in the garden this evening, robotically turning sausages into carbon and not wasting a second’s thought on the impending drought that is about to kill us all!