Britain’s Heroes Itching To Have A Crack At Unemployment

Advisors could be lurking anywhere, ready to explode

Our plucky British heroes are desperately keen to do battle with their local Jobcentres, said admiring army chiefs today, after they were inundated with redundancy applications from enthusiastic volunteers - from the humblest privates to the most promising colonels.

The gung-ho spirit of Britain’s finest is, typically, undaunted by their woeful lack of equipment for the bitter struggle they will face as they search carefully among the ruins of Britain’s blasted employment landscape for a civilian job that requires the ability to march 25 miles with a 45lb backpack, strip a rifle blindfolded and cut a man’s throat in silence.

“It is a mark of the professionalism of our brave boys and girls in the front line that, in some cases, entire units are vying for the honour of being the first to go out,” said Brigadier Richard Nugee, Head of Army Unmanning. “It makes a man proud to see so many soldiers of the very highest calibre at our disposal.”