Thursday, 16 June 2011

Agenda-Free Hacktivists Now Doing Requests

Lulz Security - the mysterious association of hackers with no sense of purpose - announced today that, as they have failed to come up with anything remotely resembling an agenda, they were now happy to take requests over the telephone.

The group’s most recent directed denial of service attack, on the public website of the CIA, struck a telling blow for God only knows what by preventing the mildly curious from accessing capsule information about nations’ government types, total population, and major industries. Earlier hacks single-handedly brought about the downfall of the hated Sony and Nintendo regimes.

Nerds are waiting to take your call right now
“We ‘ave streurck zee fear into zee ‘earts eurv zee CIA, eurv zee US Senate, eurv zee Network eurv zee Furx, eurv zee Surnay an’ eurv zeur beeteur raveuls zee Nantondoo, beurt now we ‘ave ron out eurv zee ahdeas,” said the group’s resident comedy Frenchman, ‘Pierre Dubois’, in a recorded message on the Lulz request hotline. “Zo ‘oo can we ‘ack now? Spack afteur zee leedle beep.”

“Aargh!” he added. “Not now, Kato!”

Reports that the CIA is shortly to perform its own dDoS attack on Lulz - by bombarding its telephone line with spurious requests to direct its awesome takedown skills against Justin Bieber, Cheryl Cole and new al-Qaeda chief Ayman al-Zawahiri - have so far not been confirmed.

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