Just Carry On Working, They Won’t Be Expecting That - Balls

Balls, the shadow chancellor, has solemnly warned the unions not to strike over swingeing attacks on employment rights it took generations to win, as they would be falling into the trap of doing exactly what the Tories would expect.

Balls

“We in the Labour Party know exactly how the Tories think, because we spent 13 years practicing,” Balls pointed out. “George Osborne’s tactic is a classic Tory ploy – mount an all-out assault on workers’ rights until they strike, then blame the strikers for everything bad that has ever happened.”

“The only way the unions can avoid this self-defeating outcome is to roll over and passively submit to every government attack,” he advised. “That’s the very last thing the Tories would expect, and they simply have no effective answer to that. They’ll just keep blindly cutting pay, stealing pensions and removing workplace rights willy-nilly - and all the time the unions will be smiling serenely, which will really give them something to worry about.”

“I would say the best course of action the unions could take to throw the Tories into disarray would be to abolish themselves completely,” added Balls, “But I’ve just seen some of the printers’ bills for the leaflets we stuffed into letterboxes for the local elections, and they’re not going to pay themselves.”