Mental MPs Should Be Paid Less Than Minimum Wage, Say Disabled

He's completely hatstand

After condescending to receive a visit from Conservative village idiot Philip Irrelevant, disabled people declared that he was clearly incapable of doing a proper day’s work and suggested that paying him less than the minimum wage was the only way to turn him into a productive member of society.

“It is a tragedy that a right-wing nutter like Philip has nothing more to look forward to in life than sitting around all day in the House of Commons, shouting nonsense and embarrassing everyone close to him,” said a spokesman for mental health charity MIND. “How many employers would be willing to pay £5.93 an hour to put up with Philip’s loony outbursts and bizarre jaw-flapping behaviour?”

Protected from reality in his own little bubble, however, barmy Philip remains blissfully ignorant of the embarrassment he causes to his carers.

“When I attempted to remonstrate with Philip about his unacceptable behaviour, he tweaked my nose and shouted ‘Wibble,” sighed one of his long-suffering Tory carers, Edward Leigh.

Later, an unrepentant Philip explained to reporters: “Bah! My kite has got tangled in the branches of that old lady’s cat.”

“Frisnit frisnit,” he added earnestly.