World To End On 30 June, Predict Union Fundamentalists

They'll have some explaining to do on 1 July

The world will definitely end on the last day of June, evangelical socialists in the public service unions announced today.

According to their archaic beliefs, a series of all-powerful public sector strikes are certain to herald the end of all things. Much gnashing of teeth and rending of garments are expected as parents vainly seek a place of safety for their children when the gates of schools yawn shut, marauding bands of criminals roam the streets unchecked by absent police support staff and the skies are swept clean of flights by air traffic controllers caught up in the rapture.

Rational minds in the government remain sceptical, however, pointing out that obscure union sects have predicted the end of the world many times before - especially in the seventies, when woefully-misguided forecasts of impending doom were almost a daily occurrence.

“Don’t you worry,” smiled Cabinet Office minister Francis Maude scornfully. “We’ll still be here in July, and for a long time after that.”