Ark Royal Sale Must End Soon!

You couldn't get that big one in your driveway

There have been so many generous offers for the decommissioned HMS Ark Royal that the deadline is to be extended so that even more potential buyers can come forward, the Defence Equipment & Support Boot Sale announced today.

“Roll up, roll up, ladies an’ gents - once it’s gone, it’s gone!” shouted a civil servant in Camden Lock market. “Yer kint buy an aircraft carrier this compact in the shops! We’ve ‘ad loads of interested parties, I tell yer straight! Go on, make me an offer! It might not be ‘ere tomorra!”

“You just wouldn’t believe how many parties will pay top dollar for an aircraft carrier that’s a couple of sizes too small,” explained swivel-eyed defence secretary Liam Fox. “For a start, an aircraft carrier with no aircraft is the last thing your enemies would expect, and that’s precisely the cunning strategy behind the new ones we’ve got on order.”

Among the shoppers in Camden, one man said he thought HMS Ark Royal would be just the thing for his garden’s ornamental pond, while another thought that if it was hauled up a hill it might make an ideal dry ski slope. However, the general mood among the bargain-hunters was that, if they waited, two bigger ones would be available soon.