New Study Suggests Poor Have Less Money

Not a pair of designer-ripped jeans in sight

Poor people have significantly less money than the rich, according to ground-breaking new research carried out by the Institute For Fiscal Studies which flies in the face of accepted social maxims long cherished by the tabloid press about benefit scroungers living in palatial council houses.

“Apparently the whopping increase in the price of essentials – food, water, electricity and whatnot – leaves your average pauper with hardly any spare cash for a new handbag every week, or even the occasional impulse-buying of a pair of Jimmy Choos,” said project leader Mary Antoinette. “Would you believe, many of these people can’t even afford a weekend of pampering at a health spa, even though the lucky so-and-sos are hardly inconvenienced at all by the terrible drain of mortgage repayments?”

“We hope this new data will form the basis of further studies into why the poor are so appallingly dowdy,” she enthused. “I mean, look at the state of them. The government seriously needs to invest in personal stylists for these walking fashion disasters.”