Flying Now Clearly More Dangerous Than Taking A Bath, Moan Credulous

With two fatal air crashes today following hard on the heels of the exploding engine of a Qantas A380, the credulous are now absolutely convinced that boarding a passenger flight will lead to certain death, according to rubbish cluttering up the internet.

Today’s accidents in Cuba and Pakistan, which killed all 89 passengers and crew of the two aircraft – have now officially pushed the aviation death rate above bath-related slippage, inappropriate microwaving mishap and crushing by runaway hovercraft.

“WTF whats hapnd 2 gravety ppl??!!!” commented one concerned YouTube troll, speaking for many to whom the word ‘coincidence’ is as impossible to spell as it is to comprehend. “mutha earth (GAEIAIEA) is ANGERY we got 2 stop poluteing the sky’s with CON-trails NOW!!!”

Was Gaia acting on secret instructions from the Bilderberg Group?

Meanwhile, conspiracy theorists were utterly convinced that the crashes were the tragic result of terrorists or the CIA, which for many of them are, of course, one and the same thing.

“No doubt this has been reported in the Bilderberg/illuminati media CON-glomerate as ‘al quaida’ at work AGAIN,” posted a man who, oblivious to the fact that it hasn’t, has worked the whole thing out in his head with a little help from David Icke. “Planes will keep crashing until the federal ZIONIST ‘authorities’ stop persecuting the innocent Randy Quaida, who is seeking asylum in CANADA because he accidentally stumbled upon the TRUTH about Big Pharma.”

Meanwhile, a spokesman for the aviation industry mildly pointed out that, statistically, flying is still safer than attempting to negotiate a flight of stairs, but was promptly told to “fuck off” several hundred times in the ensuing flurry of fact-proof raving.