The small number of coalition MPs present in the House of Commons today feared an embarrassing defeat when they realised that the Labour opposition had issued a three-line whip to its MPs, demanding their full attendance at the debate on the Comprehensive Spending Review – but breathed again when the deeply unpopular package was safely talked out of time at 6pm without a single Labour politician realising they could defeat it simply by asking the Speaker for a closure motion calling for a vote which they would certainly have won, with so many empty seats on the government benches.
“Sorry, I’m a bit new to this,” admitted Ed Miliband’s new chief whip appointee, Rosie Winterton. “Well, that’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it.”
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| Rosie Winterton may not have a clue about how parliament works, but on the plus side she can spot a mirror at 500 metres |
Experienced but red-faced Labour MPs have so far remained in their seats, and look set to remain there for some time rather than face grinning parliamentary journalists in the lobby.
“Look, you can’t expect busy Labour MPs to waste their precious time familiarising themselves with the standing orders of the place they are paid £65,738 a year plus expenses to work in – or, for that matter, thinking about anything in particular apart from what to wear when it’s their turn to appear on Question Time,” explained one former parliamentarian. “That’s what you appoint a camera-friendly muppet with a vacant smile full of superb cosmetic dentistry to the post of chief whip for.”
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