Expert Skier Blasts MoD For Churlishly Demanding Blast Tests On Blast-Proof Vehicles

It looks like a Tonka toy, says the Duke, and they're jolly tough

Prince Andrew, the Duke of York – one of the world’s leading amateur experts on golf, skiing and polo – has launched a withering broadside at MoD officials for tiresomely demanding blast tests on a bomb-proof vehicle.

During a visit to the Universal Engineering factory in Dorset which makes the Ranger, the prince suddenly exploded without warning.

“I say, why do they need to do blast tests?” he burst out during an agreeable lunch. “It’s just increasing the cost.”

“Now look here, these bloody nice chaps here assure me that this chunky-looking thingy they make here really is a pretty tough sort of customer,” he spluttered indignantly. “Well, that’s good enough for me, so it jolly well ought to be good enough for those twerps at the MoD. They ought to get off their fat backsides and order a couple of thousand off these fellows right away, if you ask me.”

Prince Andrew added that, in his capacity as a trade ambassador for Britain, he had met thousands of businessmen for lunch and trusted every single one of them.

“All the gifts they’ve given me over the years seemed to work splendidly,” he chortled as his glass was refilled. “And why wouldn’t they? Nobody ever made money from selling rubbish.”

“I flew a helicopter in the Falklands, you know,” he added, between mouthfuls. “So I think I know whereof I speak, thank you.”

A second-hand car dealer in Liverpool subsequently invited the Duke of York to share a ploughman’s with him in his local, saying he can have a couple of dozen low-mileage Micras with a sheet of boiler plate welded to the floorpan ready in a week if they get the royal seal of approval.