Apple Annexes ‘Pod’ - Sets Sights On Rest Of Dictionary, Starting With ‘I’

Apple Corporation lawyers seeking the sole legal right to the use of the word ‘pod’ through the US courts confirmed today that, once successful, they intend to begin similar proceedings with regard to the rest of the dictionary.

“At the moment, every Tom, Dick or Harry is casually dropping the word ‘I’ into every other sentence, without the slightest regard for the impact this has on Apple’s profits,” said the company’s VP Bastard, Apollyon Mephistopheles. “The same goes for plenty of other words – key Apple words like fire, wire, pad, pro and book, for example. Rather than clogging up the courts of the world with a never-ending series of individual injunctions, however, we are seeking a simple super-injunction which would legally arrogate ownership of all human language to Apple Corp. Saves time.”

“Of course, some retrogressive voices – probably paid lackeys from the IBM camp – will undoubtedly claim this brake on communication is nothing less than a catastrophe for civilisation,” he added. “And if they try it, we’ll sue their sorry asses for twelve separate wilful infringements of our intellectual property. Suck on that, losers.”