Toy Train Crash Horror

The happy world of 3D animation was reduced to utter carnage this morning as the Lloyds toy train jumped the track at high speed, scattering wreckage all down the bank.

“It is my solemn duty to confirm that the Lloyds train experienced a catastrophic derailing incident when, without warning, it suddenly struck the headlines at 0903 this morning,” confirmed a harassed-looking fat cat controller from the Financial Services Authority at the scene of the disaster. “Although most of the passengers are experiencing no more than a mildly unpleasant shock, I am saddened to report that a small proportion of them have become casualties. 288,717 of them, to be precise.”

The casualties appear to be suffering either from mis-sold and overpriced tickets, a severe shortage of information or a variety of other severe complaints, he added.

They'll need a crane, they'll need a crane, to pick the broken ruins up again

Meanwhile, reports are coming in from Legoland of another tragic toy-related incident, in which a Spanish boy fell off his red brick bicycle and lay unattended in Santander Road for over eight weeks.

A representative from the British Bankers’ Association of Toytown Operating Companies sought to downplay the bad news, however.

“What you have to understand is that these toys are very, very big,” he smiled as he tucked into a big bag of gourmet crisps. “When you look at a mere few hundreds of thousands of incidents in context, you’ll see how the people actually affected are very little indeed.”