Millions Groan As Hero Brickie Suggests Handing Britain To Arrogant Rich Bastards

Britain heaved a collective groan today, after potential rebel leader Cameron Hopeless – the property developer who briefly raised the nation’s spirits when he bricked up a bank – fumbled it by going on to suggest that the nation would in some way return to wealth and happiness with beardy-weirdie rentagrin Richard Branson and the scornful millionaires off TV’s Dragons’ Den at the helm.

Give him Britain to play with. Right

“When I saw Mr Hopeless on the news this morning, bricking up the entrance to the Bournemouth branch of Barclays, my heart soared,” sighed Jim Coles, a redundant maintenance engineer from Burnley. “I really thought, ‘Here we go, the revolution’s started at last!’ But I should have known what to expect from a jumped-up brickie on the make. Before you know it, the silly bugger’s cheerfully telling us that cardigan-bothering Thatcherite creep who buggered up the trains should be prime minister, with that godawful knowall prick Duncan Ballantyne in charge of the money. It sounds like his entire understanding of macro-economics is based on a night sat on his arse in front of the telly.”

“Frankly, I wouldn’t be surprised if he put a fucking Dalek in charge of the Department of Work and Pensions,” he added. “Yes I am somewhat disappointed, can you tell?”