China Threatens Tit-For-Tat Restrictions On US Import

The Chinese government has reacted angrily to American moves to place import tariffs on Chinese goods, threatening to impose a similar restriction on next year’s import from the United States.

The row follows a vote by the US House of Representatives in favour of sanctions, based on claims that the Chinese government is effectively subsidising its exports illegally by deliberately undervaluing its currency, the yuan.

“Last year, everything sold in the United States with a plug or a battery was manufactured in China,” admitted a spokesman for China’s Ministry of Commercial Domination. “But let us not forget that we are America’s fastest-growing export market. This year a businessman in Shanghai bought a Cadillac, resulting in a 100% increase in US imported goods over previous years. If we were to respond with trade tariffs of our own, when he gets bored with it next year he may well opt for a luxurious new home-grown Huatai B11 instead, if he knows what’s good for him.”

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“By then we will almost certainly have worked out how to make the glorious B11’s wheels turn in the same direction as the steering wheel for the entire warranty period,” he added ominously.