UK To Introduce Variant Of Burmese Forced Labour Scheme

Congratulations - you're all Spartacus

Britain is to introduce its own version of the forced labour scheme long favoured by Burma’s ruling junta, proclaimed employment minister Chris Grayling today, promising that it would only be inflicted on all those jobless bastards.

“When the Burmese military or its puppet government wants some hard manual labour done, the nearest village is ordered to provide the necessary slave workforce or else,” enthused Mr Grayling. “Well, what could be fairer than Britain’s private sector issuing the same ultimatum to our Jobcentres?”

Under the government’s shake-up of the welfare system, every scrounging workshy in the country will be coerced into doing whatever the service industries tell them for four weeks every year, or lose all benefits for three months - ensuring that they will get evicted and starve, and serve the bastards right.

“It’s a dream come true!” said one delighted supermarket manager. “We’ll be able to sack all these smart-arse students, then just take them on after they graduate, a month at a time, and we won’t even have to pay their National Insurance. It’s bloody brilliant, and we look forward to its inevitable expansion to full slavery all year round.”

Mr Grayling said the draconian move would give the jobless – none of whom, of course, have so much as lifted a finger in their entire lives – the inspirational gift of experiencing all the “habits and routines” of daily working life, with the obvious exception of the habit of being paid.

"I've been really worried by some of the jobsearch interviews I've sat through where people are clearly losing their focus,” said Mr Grayling, “In fact, sometimes I could have sworn my advisor was snoring. But then I got elected and became an MP, which certainly beats working.”