Continuing Onslaught Due To Faulty Brakes, Insists Gaddafi

Tragically, the whole of Libya is on a 1 in 12 gradient

The well-known man of peace, Colonel Gaddafi, wrung his hands today on Libyan state TV as he explained that his forces were continuing to advance into rebel-held towns only because their tanks had been deliberately fitted with defective brakes by evil foreign governments seeking to overthrow his caring, democratic regime.
 
“Please spare a thought for my poor, terrified tank crews trapped in these roaring engines of doom,” he begged his people. “When, solely out of love for my misguided opponents, I decided to end their kindly chastisement, my loyal soldiers joyfully pulled the brake levers - but nothing happened. Of course, all the buttons are labelled in the godless script of the evil oppressors, so in their desperation to engage some sort of emergency engine cutoff they may inadvertently have engaged the turret’s auto-loader and accidentally fired off the odd round or two.”

“I urge the rebel forces to set aside their issues with some minor aspects of my humble leadership style for the time being, and lie down en masse in front of these runaway vehicles,” he urged. “I’ve read the owner’s manuals written by the foreign merchants of death, and they state quite categorically that this is the only way to stop them.”