Astute political observers have discovered that, by an astonishing fluke, Barack Obama's train journey from Philadelphia to Washington happens to coincide exactly with one made 148 years ago by a little-known former president, Abraham Lincoln.
"Well, fancy that!" exclaimed the top-hatted President-Elect, as he waved to crowds of well-wishers from the Adulation Platform at the rear of the regular Amtrak 09.27 service. "I just woke up this morning and said to myself, Barack, why don't you treat the kids to a ride on a chuff-chuff? So I flew the family out to Chicago to meet me - but as luck would have it, an unscheduled toilet break made us miss the train! Luckily for us Air Force One was still at the airport, so we made our connection at Philadelphia. And, would you believe, a friendly ticket-collector tells me that the place seems to have played some small part in the Civil War - and the War of Independence, too! Like I said - just fancy that!"
By another remarkable coincidence, the highlight of Mr Obama's inauguration spectacular will be a star-studded concert at the Lincoln Memorial - an obscure monumental statue of the long-forgotten president of the same name, which is remembered as being "big - well, biggish" by the few old Washington hands who have seen it.
"I really should look up this Lincoln guy," mused Mr Obama, as he checked his newly-grown sideburns and beard in a mirror. "I wonder if he did anything of historical significance in his term of office?"
Asked how he hoped to relax in his rare moments away from the White House, Mr Obama reflected that he was quite looking forward to some "mind-blowing" drama at the theatre.
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