A group calling itself the Optimists Society has tackled 'Blue Monday' - said to be the most depressing day of the year - by unleashing a range of headline-grabbing publicity stunts.
Their main ploy has been optimist-in-chief Alistair Darling's announcement of a spectacularly wishful plan to bail out Britain's reckless banks by chancing up to £200bn of taxpayers' money on a reassuringly-labelled 'insurance' scheme predicated chiefly on the somewhat improbable dawning of a new golden age of prosperity between now and Friday afternoon.
The group also plans to insert a staccato DMX drum-machine break into all public declarations of bad news, hoping that the dynamic dancefloor combination of bass drum and hi-hat will propel disconsolate Britons into a wildly-gyrating defiance of the day's bulletins of woe, instead of reaching for the whisky and Prozac.
So far, the measure has been less than entirely successful in lightening the tone of the day's announcements. Suspended production at tss-tss-tss-tss Jaguar, the collapse of share prices in the Royal Bank of d-d-d-d-dum d-d-dum d- d-d-dum, record pension-fund deficitss-dum-clap, a rise in deaths from tss-tss-tsstabbing, the unstoppable rampage of a dum-clap computer virus, the worstss-tss rip-off train fares in Europe and the return of 1988 remix Ken clap-Clarke to the Tory front bench are turning out to be disappointingly hard for even the most starry-eyed fantasist to ignore.
"Still, it's not all bad news," insisted the society's founder, James Battison. "George W Bush has been phoning round world leaders to say his final farewells. So at least they're happy."
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