Nine Brazilian Christians have died, and more than a hundred were injured, when God callously allowed the roof of their Sao Paulo church to fall in on them on Sunday.
Estevam and Sonia Hernandez, the God-fearing founders of the evangelical Reborn In Christ Church - who are wanted in Brazil on charges of money laundering, and were arrested for arriving in Miami in 2007 without declaring $56,000 in cash - told surviving followers: "There must be a reason for so much suffering."
"Too bloody right there is," answered a wrathful Lord of Hosts. "I've been busting My ass recently, saving people all over the world from horrible fiery death, and what thanks do I get? A load of buses trundling round saying I don't exist. Well, fuck you. Fuck the lot of you sideways, you miserable bastards."
The Reborn In Christ movement claims that the former cinema's structure complied with building regulations, despite its temporary closure in 1999 after termites were found in the rafters.
"We preached the word of God to the termites," a spokesman told reporters, "And they joyfully accepted Him into their lives and humbly repented their sinful roof-devouring ways."
In an attempt to placate their angry Redeemer, Italian authorities moved swiftly to ban a poster campaign planned along similar lines - but the ex-Saviour of Mankind was unimpressed, saying that Italy was firmly in the grip of the Catholic Church and they would have done it anyway.
"And another thing," fumed God. "Any piss-taking so-called church whose ambassador to the world is a football-kicker called Shit is just plain asking for a spot of traditional Old Testament-style retribution."
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