The BBC has banned an appeal for aid for Gaza, claiming it wishes to avoid compromising its immaculate reputation for impartiality.
The appeal comes from the Disasters Emergency Committee, an umbrella organisation representing a number of aid agencies, which says there is "clear evidence" that the British public want to help the stricken victims of the devastating Israeli invasion.
"Our reputation for maintaining a completely unbiased stance is well-known and widely respected throughout the entire BBC," said a spokesman. "Obviously, our fond belief in our own godlike impartiality is far more important than the mere welfare of 1,300,000 Palestinians. However, the BBC will continue to report the humanitarian story in Gaza, which should provide us with plenty of first-rate, award-winning footage of children dying photogenically in the arms of their weeping parents - as long as these bleeding-heart do-gooders don't spoil it by alleviating their camera-friendly suffering."
"Anyway, ITV and all the other channels have banned the appeal too," he added, "So why don't you piss off and pester them instead?"
The BBC is, however, thought to be considering the possibility of allowing the appeal to be shown if the DEC also runs a balancing appeal for aid to Israel, which is said to be desperately short of munitions following its blitzkrieg on Gaza.
"Please give generously," said a visibly-moved Prime Minister Ehud Olmert. "Did you know that a single 1000kg bomb can remove shelter for an entire street of Palestinians? Just one smoke-marker shell, if fired humanely into a UN compound full of refugees, will guarantee years of hospital care for children suffering from horrific phosphorus burns. But our stocks are running low. With your help we can finally bring lasting peace to this troubled land, by eradicating the spectre of Palestinians forever."
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