There was dancing in the streets of the Gaza Strip today, as both Israeli and Hamas forces began their independent ceasefires.
Israel was the first to unilaterally declare a ceasefire, when Prime Minister Ehud Olmert yesterday announced that all of Israel's objectives had been achieved.
"We have reached our goal of putting at least one large hole in every man-made structure in Gaza," he said. "But more importantly, we have incurred the renewed wrath of the entire Islamic world, stuck two fingers up at everyone on the planet and finally kicked the shit out of the UN for the sixty-six blatantly anti-Semitic resolutions it has passed since 1956 condemning our completely justifiable - and commendably restrained - acts of self-defence."
"Having achieved these aims and then some, we are therefore halting our removal of the Palestinians from the face of the earth for the time being," he added, "Well, certainly until we've bought some more ammo from our totally-impartial suppliers, namely Britain, France and the United States."
Not to be outdone, Hamas today announced that it was having a ceasefire of its own.
"We have clearly won this battle, as everyone can see," said a one-legged Hamas spokesman, speaking with difficulty through the bloodstained rags wrapped around his head. "The reeling Zionist invaders have received serious scuff-marks on their tracks, and their warplanes have suffered badly-scorched paintwork in the vicinity of the rocket-launcher rails. If one Israeli soldier remains in the Gaza Strip a week from now, however, with any luck we'll have put a couple more rockets together out of any spares we can pull out of the rubble."
Meanwhile, the Gaza Strip is all smiles, with former enemies hugging in the rubble-strewn streets.
"I guess the Palestinians are just ordinary folks like us, really," grinned Sgt. Daniel Peled from atop his flower-decked Merkava tank. "I just showed some photos of my wife and kids back home to my new friend Khaled, and said how much I was missing them and looking forward to seeing them soon in Tel Aviv. I even invited him to drop by one day, if he's ever in the area. In return, he showed me some photos of his wife and kids buried under their home, and told me how much he missed them and hoped to see them soon in Paradise. He says he's dying to take me with him, too. What a nice guy!"
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