Today the world witnessed historic history being momentously made, as Barack Obama was sworn in as the first African-American President of the United States.
Washington's historic National Mall - which, strangely, is entirely lacking in retail outlets - was crowded with joyful African-Americans, and there were even rumours of one or two white Americans being present although media footage could not confirm this.
Due to an historic organisational mix-up, African-American warm-up act Aretha Franklin sang the British national anthem by mistake, getting the words momentously wrong and hitting every note but the correct one. Following the historic swearing-in of token non-African-American Joe Biden as Vice-President, Barack Obama took his sacred oath of office - momentously stumbling through it to become the 44th US President.
The momentously historic African-American President then took the stand, and delivered the most historic, momentous and African-American speech in the history of the United States.
"Basically, we're fucked," he told the cheering, weeping, African-historic-momentous-American crowds. "So here's some tough-love guff about our inherent greatness instead."
A housewife, who may or may not have been historic, momentous or African-American, then wandered up to the microphone and read out a poem she wrote for her therapy group, which was the signal for everyone to go back to their imposiibly-mortgaged homes and worry about their threatened jobs and uninsured health.
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