Sunday, 23 October 2011

Never Mind Us, Demands Man In Pub, Let’s All Have A Referendum On Greece’s Membership Of The EU

A man in a pub today pointed out that all of the world’s fiscal woes would be solved overnight if, instead of cheerily flushing untold billions down the Greek toilet, the rest of the EU simply kicked it out of Europe and left it to implode by itself.

“Look at Zorba and his bone-idle mates, all kicking off about losing their precious 10-hour week and retiring at 21 to spend the rest of their lives drinking raki and poking their livestock,” he pointed out. “Well, if that’s what they want, they can bloody pay for it themselves, not me.”

“It’s like you’re sitting in a bunker minding your own business, and some mad bastard suddenly jumps up, grabs a hand grenade, pulls out the pin and swallows it,” he explained in layman’s terms. “Do you all pull the pins out of your own hand grenades to replace it? Course you don’t - you bundle the silly bugger out, hand grenade and all, and slam the armour-plated door in his face, don’t you?”

“I haven’t got a clue about the rights and wrongs of UK membership, if I’m honest,” he went on, drawing inspiration from another pint of bitter. “I mean, obviously the rest of Europe is full of bloody thieving foreigners who just don’t seem to understand that we single-handedly beat them all hands-down in 1945. But on the other hand, Rupert Murdoch absolutely hates the EU. So it might have something going for it after all, right?”

David Cameron, Ed Miliband and Nick Clegg later pointed to the man in the pub as the main reason why the public should, on no account, ever be entrusted with the hand grenade of a referendum.

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