Europe Dares To Suggest Rule Of Law Should In Some Way Apply To Bankers

Prime minister David Cameron lashed out today at misguided European attempts to interfere in the unfettered activity of British-based banks, which have done so much to usher in our modern utopia of universal prosperity.

We don't need no regulations

“London is the centre of financial services in Europe. It's under constant attack through silly Brussels directives,” he spluttered indignantly. “It's an area of concern, it's a key national interest that we need to defend.”

“The Square Mile simply couldn’t have got us where we are today if it had been regulated in any way whatsoever,” he pointed out. “You can’t apply notional concepts of ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ to the finance sector. How can our selfless, hard-working bankers get on with the vital wealth-creating job they do on our behalf, if they’re constantly having to worry about getting their collars felt? Brussels can stick its morals up its hairy foreign arse. The concept of justice is unspeakably alien to our financial institutions, and long may it remain so.”

“I speak for every man, woman and child in Britain,” he argued movingly, “When I say that my humble stockbroker dad would never have been able to leave me his millions, had he been at all bothered about the 'rights' and 'wrongs' of what he was doing.”