Wednesday, 26 October 2011

Coldplay Fans Try Hypnosis

Coldplay fans say their appreciation of the band’s latest album, Mylo Xoloto Casho, has improved greatly under hypnosis, with many falling blissfully into a deep trance during the very first bars and awakening the next morning with no memory of a single distinctive song.

Producer and towering genius Brian Eno suggested hypnosis for the band during recording - enabling them to bang out another 14 turgid fan-pleasing dirges without any conscious effort whatsoever, which was a great relief to them. Fans who also heeded Professor Eno’s inspired advice say it is a great relief to them, too.

The legendary Prof Eno, heroically manipulating the gloom envelope
“Brian Eno is, of course, the world’s first ever certified genius of music, and even his farts are tonally perfect down to the tiniest detail,” explained morose frontman Chris Martin. “His latest idea is that we shouldn’t turn up at all to the sessions for our next album. He’s just going to dial our personalities into his old VCS3 synthesizer, wander off for a fag and a ploughman’s, and send the tape of its burbling drones off to EMI with an invoice for the usual amount. We can spend the time hugging more trees. Brilliant.”

“Whatever. We’ll buy it,” enthused the band’s easily-pleased fanbase.

No comments: