The Ministry of Defence has high hopes that the Taleban can be prevailed upon to leave British bases and convoys in Afghanistan alone from Mondays to Fridays, opined Dr Liam Fox today as he unveiled plans to close down Britain’s increasingly unaffordable army and replace it with the weekend warriors of the Territorial Army.
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| There may be a few savings on equipment, too |
“Thanks to the Labour government, not only do we lose an investment of tens of thousands of pounds in training every time a British soldier is blown apart, we now have to pay their WAGs a bloody fortune,” complained the swivel-eyed defence secretary. “Even if the buggers spend their entire tour of duty just lying there in their tents playing with themselves, we’re paying them double combat pay. Well, sod that for a game of soldiers - or ‘Join The Territorial Army’, as we call it.”
Dr Fox stressed the advantages of part-time warfare as being particularly suitable for hideously-unqualified single parents now being forced into Jobcentres once their youngest child turns 8, as well as the self-obsessed karate kids at Currys who have traditionally formed the core recruitment of the TA.
On other fronts, the RAFVR will give French pilots the weekend off as they bravely soar their gliders over Libya, looking up the symbol for a bunker on their Thomas Cook maps, while the Royal Naval Reserve will heroically steer Britain’s nuclear hunter/killer submarine fleet on sightseeing trips round Plymouth Sound.
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