PM’s Bold Plan To Give Your Library To The WI Set To Change The Landscape Of Britain Forever

Remember, this specky bitch gets paid out of your council tax

Prime minister David Cameron today unveiled his ground-breaking plan to take your useless library away from the council and give it to the Women’s Institute, in a bold plan which will drastically transform the lives of every man, woman and child in Britain in ways we cannot even begin to imagine.

“That your little local library is utterly at the mercy of wastrel librarians in the pay of your wicked, wicked council is a crime against humanity which shames us all,” he announced, to wild cheers from government and opposition benches alike. “Librarians who, it behoves me to add, deliberately wear glasses to look brainier than you, and in broad daylight.”

“Decades of their smarty-panted mismanagement have filled the shelves with all manner of crap that you really don’t want to read,” he warned a shocked nation. “If you don’t believe me, I urge you to work up the courage to step inside a library for the first time in your lives and see for yourselves that the boring non-fiction section has ten times as many books as the bit where you’ll find Catherine Cookson, Danielle Steel, Andy McNab and the Harry Potter series, which are the only books anyone will ever need.”

“Would you believe it, they have an entire section dedicated to politics!” he scoffed. “Now nobody in their right mind would touch that nonsense with a barge pole - yet there it is, bold as brass, staring you in the face and daring you to read it. But don’t worry, I’ve had a word with the WI and they’re quite happy to throw all that dull non-fiction rubbish onto a nice big bonfire, and put in a nice cream tea restaurant instead.”