Murdoch Now Even Less Popular Than Arse Who Led Us All Into Lifetime Of Penury

Admit it - you loathe him slightly less now, don't you?

Even the gormless, arse-headed Gordon Brown - whose perversely pig-headed refusal, as both chancellor and prime minister, to regulate the City of London led to global ruin - is now held in higher esteem by the penniless public than Rupert Murdoch, it emerged yesterday, after the charm-free backbencher broke his self-imposed vow of silence in the House of Commons to accuse the tarnished mogul’s media empire of a “lethal combination of illegality, collusion and cover-up”.

All over the country, people were leaping from their sofas, punching the air and cheering wildly as the hatchet-faced incompetent droned on for half an hour.

“Even allowing for the fact that 29 minutes and 57 seconds of Gordon Brown’s speech were nothing more than a shameless, self-pitying attempt to offload the blame for his appalling mismanagement of the nation’s finances onto what he apparently, in all seriousness, believes to be misrepresentation in the Murdoch papers,” said a typical dewy-eyed viewer, just one of millions glued to BBC Parliament, “The words that will remain forever seared into my memory long after senility robs me of the ability to remember my own children are his stirring summary of News Corp’s methods as ‘lawbreaking on an industrial scale’.”

Meanwhile, MPs on parliament’s Culture, Media and Sport Committee have asked Mr Murdoch, his equally loathsome son James and their mysteriously limpet-like sidekick Rebekah Brooks if they wouldn’t mind dropping by one afternoon, if they haven’t got anything else planned, and entertaining them all with an improvised comedy routine.