Iain Duncan Smith Joins Magic Circle

Just like that

The Magic Circle – the world-famous society of stage magicians – today announced the induction of work and pensions secretary Iain Duncan Smith into its hallowed ranks, in recognition of his jaw-dropping performance of the old Disappearing Unemployed Trick.

Legendary for his clumsy presentation, Duncan Smith selects volunteers from his captive audience of unemployed, and pushes them into his deviously-constructed Flexible New Deal, a large empty box. He then mumbles the nonsense word, “Helpingyoubacktowork”, spins the box, and only those who have been out of work for less than 18 months come staggering out - unless they’re under 25, of course, in which case any of them who have been unemployed for more than six months also vanish into thin air.

The bumbling comic magician then stumbles into the stage curtain, which collapses to reveal them all jumping through amusingly-shaped hoops - held by his prancing assistants from the employment-agency sector - to get to their Jobseekers’ Alllowance.

“This brilliant deception was originally dreamt up by the late-unlamented Tony Bongo donkeys’ years ago, and when he passed into the Great Unknown the straight-faced illusionist Gorren Brown incorporated it into his act,” pointed out veteran magician Paul Daniels. “But Iain’s enormous, fumbling hands have brilliantly transformed the old ropey trick into high farce. Now that’s magic.”