Public Demands Axe For Council Job Titles Containing More Than Three Syllables

Following public consultations, communities secretary Eric Pickles announced that he would be putting pressure on local authorities to eliminate all jobs whose function is not blindingly obvious from the title to a two-year-old.

“What the hell is an Inclusivity Monitor when it’s at home?” demanded the no-nonsense Tory gutbucket as he tucked into a bucket of sausages and mash. “Or a Building Control Enforcement Officer, I ask you? Or a Programme Coordinator, or a Frontline Advisor, for the love of God? It’s time to kick these sponging bastards out on their ear.”

“Councils are absolutely swarming with useless wasters,” he belched. “What you’re all telling me is that you want to cut the crap and see your town halls streamlined, just like in the good old days when there was just a town clerk and a couple of typists.”

When asked by the Nev Filter exactly what a ‘communities secretary’ was for, Mr Pickles terminated the press conference by choking on a sausage.