“I were surrchin, this ‘ere field near Frome, where ‘um tauks funny, when I ‘eared this ‘beep beep’ noise in moy ears,” grunted a beaming Mr Crisp. “Wossat, I fort, then it dorned on oi. ‘Yew daffy ole worzel, Dave,’ oi sed tur meselve, ‘Yew’m wurrin’ they fancy ‘edphones, r’memburr?’ Zo oi digged an’ oi digged, an bugger me if I din’ fine thiz ‘ere ole pot. Look, ‘ee be stamped ‘Property of Royal Bank Of Scotland’ roight ‘ere unner the rim.”
The pot is thought by experts to date back as far as 2008, and its contents have been valued by self-loving orange prick David Dickinson at “possibly a hundred million billion trillion pounds, if you’re lucky enough to find a collector.”
The Queen has already sent a message of congratulation to Mr Crisp from Macy’s in New York, which was personally delivered by a detachment of heavily-armed Household Cavalry. She also mentioned that all treasure trove that is dug out of Britain’s soil legally belongs to the Crown.
Her Majesty was last seen heading for Washington, DC, where President Barack Obama is reported to be preparing to grant her asylum in return for half of it.
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