Lord Ashcroft Admits To Living In Britain

Hours before a midnight deadline by which non-domiciled Lords had to either give up their preferential tax status or give up their right to sit in Britain’s second chamber, Tory party owner Lord Ashcroft has finally admitted that he lives in Britain – bringing to a close a decade of ducking questions on his tax avoidance.

Five fellow Lords, including world meccano expert Lord Foster, have chosen to keep dodging tax by abandoning their flimsy pretence of living here, and will be allowed to keep their titles for impressing-Americans-at-dinner-party purposes.

Lord Ashcroft – who has given over £4m to the Tories in recent years - is thought to have had plenty of time to spirit his fortune away so he can cheerfully inform the taxman that his total income from UK sources miraculously falls below the minimum threshold for taxation. Conservative insiders are now beginning to wonder how their deputy chairman - who is now, on paper, some sort of tramp with cufflinks - will continue to bankroll their party’s extravagant spending, given that political parties are now no longer allowed to accept money from overseas.

Sources close to Lord Ashcroft, however, suggest that the peer is already owed enough favours, on the strength of past donations, to get pretty much anything he wants from the government.

“Of course I’m happy to confirm that I live in Britain,” beamed Lord Ashcroft, standing outside his luxury mansion, which by pure coincidence becomes the new UK-registered office of the Bank of Belize at 11.59pm. “Why shouldn’t I? After all, I own it.”