Hollywood Star Continues To Live The Dream

Leading Hollywood fruitcake Mel Gibson today delighted celebrity magazines - and any remaining fans - with another bizarre outburst, in which he appears to seriously believe that his estranged wife rang him up and attempted to extort money from him, then threatened to hand a self-incriminating recording of the conversation over to the media.

The former star of Lethal Weapon, Lethal Weapon 2, Lethal Weapon 3, Lethal Weapon 4 and so on made the counter-claim after his wife, Oksana Golddigerova, obtained a restraining order after alleging that Gibson punched her and knocked a tooth out whilst discussing the size of her plastic breasts, the meaning of love and finding a Jew in his soup.

“What you have to understand is that, deep down, Mel Gibson is just a simple, bigoted bridge-painter from the back of beyond who happened to wander onto a film set one day looking ruggedly handsome,” said a spokesman for the William Morris Endeavor Entertainment Agency, announcing that it had dropped the former star from its roster. “Based largely on this and his blue eyes, it’s understandable that people might jump to the conclusion that he was the most talented actor of his generation.”

“Although, frankly, his performance in Zeffirelli’s ‘Hamlet’ should have dispelled that fallacy 20 years ago,” he added.

Mr Gibbon responded by telling a passing bum that he didn’t need an agent anyway, as one of his many hitherto-untapped talents was the art of publicity management.

“Get away from me, you fucked-up weirdo loser,” shouted the bum.