Did BP Help Viet Cong To Victory? Demand Senators

As US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton considers a demand from the senate to investigate whether evil, scheming BP bosses ordered the Scottish government to release convicted Lockerbie bomber Abdelbaset al-Megrahi last year, some senators are already looking for evidence that might link the malevolent oil company with the failure of the US forces to secure victory in the Vietnam conflict.

“All ah know is them VCs hadda oil their gook bicycles someways, or that there Ho Chi Minh trail woulda plumb seized up solid,” claimed senator Jesse Redkneck of Hick State. “And if our loyal, patriotic petrochemical boys wun’t supplyin’ Charlie with lube, well that kinda cleared th’ field for some unscrupulous rival concern ta fair corner th’ market, see?”

“An’ correct me if ah’m wrong,” he added, after spitting a wad of tobacco into a pitcher, “But consarn it if those yaller Limey bastards done turned their goddam backs on us aways back in ’65. Now is it jes’ me, or is thar some kinda connection thing goin’ on here?”

Other senators are urging the State Department to look into reports that evil BP tankers sailed with the Imperial Japanese Navy task force which launched the infamous attack on Pearl Harbour in 1941, in return for exclusive rights to the vast oilfields seized when Japan’s forces overran the Dutch East Indies.