BAe Chooses Perfect Moment To Unveil Ruinously Expensive Toy

Just as defence secretary Dr Liam Fox confirmed that Britain’s pensioners would be far better looked-after by throwing huge wads of money at the MoD than by retaining any meaningful form of public healthcare, leading arms manufacturer British Aerospace triumphantly removed the wraps from the Toypenis, its latest £142m radio-controlled plane.

“Blah… blah… government resolve… blah… shape a changing world… blah blah… stay the course… blah… hard power - oh god, I’ve come in my pants,” gasped the defence minister, as he saw the obscenely pointless drone aircraft for the first time.

"The Toypenis boasts a full array of stealth technology, powerful engines, surveillance sensors, bombs, missiles and other sexual organs specifically designed to induce multiple orgasms in military personnel," announced a smiling BAe death merchant, as Britain’s top brass enthusiastically polluted themselves.

“Of course, we won’t know if it actually flies until next year, when we try switching it on,” he added. “But that’s a minor issue. What’s important is that, in military terminology, this thing has the most mouth-wateringly perky breasts you’ve ever seen on an airframe.”