“Lord Mandelson told lies for fifteen years, and performed a great service to the Labour Party in doing so by dragging it, kicking and screaming, into the era of modern politics,” said the Miliband clones, in unison with unconvincing pretend-lefty Andy Burnham. “But if he can’t tell spectacular whoppers any more, then the party has no further use for him. He should retire immediately from politics, preferably by opening a window and turning to dust in the sunlight.”
Among the revelations disclosed to a shocked public in the Times’ serialisation of his memoirs are the following astounding-but-true insights:
- Tony Blair didn’t like Gordon Brown very much;
- Neither did anybody else;
- Once Tony Blair got it into his head to do something, it was jolly difficult to change his mind.
Meanwhile, Tony Blair himself has been left fuming, as Lord Mandelson’s memoirs beat his own forthcoming book into print.
“Look,” he told reporters, “You want lies. Britain wants lies. I’m a straightforward lying kind of guy. Britain thrives on lies. The Labour Party thrives on lies. Above all, I thrive on lies. Peter Mandelson lied for me. He lied for his party. He lied for Britain. If Peter can’t lie any more, who can Britain turn to? Who can the Labour Party turn to? Buy my book when it comes out in September, and you can read all the lies you want.”
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