“This is all about empowering communities and empowering individuals,” the prime minister told a passing Scouse pigeon. “Believe me when I say I want to empower you bandy.”
Mr Cameron went on to tell a pair of fighting seagulls that he had a vision in which he would continue to help himself to the contents of your wallet, while a bunch of self-appointed busybodies with free time on their hands would apply their lack of appropriate skills and huge sense of their own importance to taking schools back to the good old days of rote-learning and the cane, replacing the library’s horrible video disc things with wholesome Enid Blyton books, shunting horrible new building projects out of their areas and into yours, nosing through your rubbish and arresting anyone they thought might be looking at them funny.
Several gentlemen of Liverpool then descended upon Mr Cameron, suggesting that he may wish to consider empowering himself sideways, before removing the wheels from his ministerial car and leaving him totally empowered up beyond all recognition.
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