“I gotta tell ya straight - the 787 done missed its slot, back along when the airlines still had the cash to throw around,” confessed a Boeing sales rep called Hi I’m Bud. “It’s been in a holding pattern ever since, jes’ waitin’ for the global economy ta buck up. But after three years of goin’ round an’ round in circles, we hadda declare a fuel emergency - ‘cause if we wait any longer, we’ll never be able to pay for filling the damn thing up again.”
The Flatliner may look exactly like every other airliner since 1957 but, thanks to its flimsier construction, it uses slightly less fuel than the other airliners it looks exactly like, said Hi.
“Yessir!” he proclaimed, wiping beads of sweat from his brow as a middle-aged beardy man with binoculars wandered into Boeing’s lavish corporate hospitality tent. “When you’re savin’ 50 gallons on each and every flight, why, in no time at all you’ll recoup the $180m you laid out on this sleek mama! And boy, do we got crazy P-X deals to die for, or what? Did I say ‘die’? Atta air show, f’chrissakes? That shows ya how crazy I am! Tell ya what – why don’t ah take that rusty ol’ A380 clunker off yore hands for ya, buddy, an’ I’ll give ya a full 20% discount off the sticker price on the windshield! Whaddya say, ma friend? Do we got a deal?”
After some hard-headed bargaining, the determined Mr Hi finally made his sale.
“For the keys to my mum’s old Y-reg Daewoo, I’m walking away with a brand new intercontinental airliner,” chuckled a delighted Mr Martin Handasyde, 54. “But between you, me and the gatepost, all I was really after is this fantastic limited-edition ‘B-17 Flying Fortress’ flying jacket which he threw in as a sweetener.”
“I’m not actually 100% sure the Flatliner will fit in mum’s drive, to be honest,” he reflected, as Hi I’m Bud hastily zipped up the tent-flap. “Do you think I could mount it on a plinth in the back garden? It’ll give the neighbours something to look at.”
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