The satirical website made its unwarranted slurs in response to the insipid suit-bursting nobody’s complaint to the BBC about a sketch on Jon Culshaw’s The Impressions Show, in which the boring breakfast TV and Sky News parasite was depicted eating a sofa, a jockey and a vase of flowers.
Inviting the nonsensically egotistic lardarse to do his worst, the Nev Filter expresses the opinion that it is sadly typical of the spineless drones who now infest BBC management suites to roll over and apologise for the cardinal sin of making a joke in a comedy programme.
“Come on, fatboy, do your worst - because I’m not retracting a single word,” Nev is quoted as saying. “Everybody knows the only reason you’re taking up sofa space on our screens is because your wife Ruth Langsford - whom producers mistakenly believe has some sort of MILF appeal – doesn’t dare leave you alone for five minutes in a house with a freezer full of bacon and oven chips.”
Media commentators agree that cannibal piggy Holmes will have to take his place in a long line of outraged self-important nonentities with a grievance against the Nev Filter.
“To give just one tragic example, national treasure Stephen Fry hasn’t stopped sobbing his lovably baggy eyes out after being taken to task for caring more about his collection of Apple toys than Chinese workers’ rights by some fat beardy internet troll in Plymouth,” says a BBC spokesman. “Shit.”
“On behalf of the BBC, I hereby offer an unequivocal grovelling apology to Nev for the outrageous and unjustified slur I’ve just made,” he adds.
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