“Our federal and state prisons are positively bursting at the seams with poor people,” said District Judge Amy St Eve. “That is who they are designed for. They are clearly not the ideal base of operations for a wealthy and cultured peer, whose only misdemeanour was to thoughtfully divert $6m of his shareholders’ money into his personal bank account so he could watch over it all the more carefully for them. If he didn’t tell them, why, surely that is because he would have felt deep embarrassment at the thought of being lavished with fulsome praise for such a typically selfless and charitable act.”
Lord Black's release comes after the Supreme Court ruled that one of the three laws used in his prosecution was a bit vaguely worded in places, making it all but certain that he had in fact done nothing even slightly questionable at any time in his entire life, as is usually the case with ruthless megalomaniacs who secretively micro-manage their vast business empires via an impenetrable tangle of mystery accounts.
The former proprietor of the Daily Telegraph initially applied for leave to return to Canada, as he was pining for the rugged forest slopes of his homeland. However, he kindly agreed to make do with his luxurious Palm Beach residence instead, while his lawyers worked out how much the federal authorities should reimburse him for the unimaginable torment of sharing a lavatory with the poor for a couple of years.
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