Russian Donkey Worriers Still Struggling With Finer Points Of Capitalism

Russians are still failing to grasp the key principles of capitalism a full twenty years after the collapse of the Soviet system, following an unfortunate flirtation with advertising which saw small children traumatised for life by a screaming donkey zooming over their heads.

The terrifying incident took place on the Sea of Azoles coast in the Krasidyot region, when the owners of a private beach strapped a donkey to a parachute and towed it aloft, convinced that its squeals of fright would in some way prove a subtle but irresistible draw to holidaymakers.

Animal-loving parents below were so outraged that they whipped out their cameras in dismay, filmed the donkey’s aerial torment and sent the deeply disturbing images to news channels with a shocked invoice.

“The donkey screamed and the children cried and the parents saw an opportunity to make a few easy roubles,” commented regional police spokesman Larisa Tuchkova, after footage of the parasailing donkey was aired. “No one had the brains to call the police. We could have shot it out of the sky whilst filming it all in HD, and split the profits 50/50.”

The businessmen responsible for the outrage – who may be prosecuted for animal cruelty, if officials can find any such law buried in Russia’s hastily-rewritten statute books – are still struggling to understand their error.

“Perhaps yowling donkey not really appropriate inducement for small children,” one of them told reporters. “Next week we try higher-pitched animal, like dolphin.”