Hedge Funds Invent New Way To Make Life Intolerable

Hedge funds today began to implement their latest wheeze, which is to buy up the world’s entire food chain and amuse themselves by watching you offer increasingly desperate sums of money for it.

The latest inspired development in macroeconomics began this morning, when Armajerko fund manager Anthony Wad became the sole owner of all the cocoa in the world.

“Mmm,” smiled Mr Wad. “Just imagine five billion bars of tempting dark chocolate. Because that’s all you’ll be doing from now on, scum, unless you give me all your money.”

Other hedge funds are already reported to be circling the world’s cereal crops and the vast cattle ranches of South America whilst, elsewhere, fund managers were eagerly donning aqualungs to see if there were any significant fish stocks left worth monopolising.