New research published in the Annals of Internal Medicine, which demonstrates that smokers who give up their evil, murderous habit are more than twice as likely to develop type 2 diabetes than if they keep puffing away at their foul cancer sticks, has been angrily denounced by stürmbanndoktors as 'sodding inconvenient'.
US researchers from Johns Hopkins University, who made the deeply unhelpful discovery that quitters are 70% more likely to develop the condition than lifelong non-smokers, have said they are very sorry for revealing an awkward fact, and begged not to be struck off or used as experimental test subjects.
"What happens is that smokers who kick their filthy but appetite-suppressing habit rapidly bloat up like walruses at an all-you-can-eat seal buffet," said a goose-stepping official of the British National Socialist Medical Association. "And once they become hideous fat bastards, of course, they fall into the high-risk category for type 2 diabetes and serve them right. They can then look forward to a life-long likelihood of kidney failure, heart attacks, strokes, blindness caused by glaucoma or macular retinopathy, urinary tract infections and multiple amputations. So what? Obviously, the simple answer is to quit eating as well as smoking."
"I really can't see the problem here," he added. "Heil Hippocrates."
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